Monday, 24 July 2017

Facing Infertility

Naturally, now that I'm in my late twenties, my thoughts have started to turn to having children.

Until I was diagnosed with PCOS, I'd never really sat firmly on either side of the child-having fence. Suddenly, I was thrust into this world where this option that I figured would be just...there, might not be. It felt like this choice that I had always taken for granted had been snatched away. I sobbed for weeks. Literal weeks. It felt like such an incredibly heavy burden to bear, knowing that not only did I have to deal with this, so did my partner. He certainly didn't sign up for this. Would he have even wanted to commit to me in the first place had he known I was...broken? It took a little while, but after a month or so, it felt like I was coming to terms with the idea of maybe not having children, or even adopting.

Not too long after this, my Mother-in-Law started to rapidly deteriorate, and she lost her long battle with cancer. As we sat in the hospice with her, every night I was scared, and I could see that my partner was too. Scared to lose this wonderful woman, scared of what was going to happen in the future. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I might be the reason that we couldn't have children. 

The idea of infertility is scary as fuck. Some people don't want children, and that is absolutely fine. I wouldn't ever tell anyone that the decision they've made in regards to that is wrong, because who am I to tell you? My point is that (for me, anyway) having to deal with this in my twenties has been an absolute nightmare. I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't even tell you the number of nights I've just laid awake, wondering and worrying. 

Since being diagnosed with PCOS, I've been back a number of times to the Women's Hospital, only to be diagnosed with fibroids too. What a kicker, eh?

I'm now taking active steps towards improving my 'chances', if you will. This has included a number of Doctor appointments, increasing the exercise I'm getting, and starting a new diet plan. I know it isn't going to be plain sailing, but I can't just sit back and let everything happen around me. Ultimately, it's my future, and if I want the best possible chances, I need to stand up and do something for myself.

If you're in a similar position, know that you are not alone in your worries and more importantly you are not broken. 

If you liked this, you'll love The Most Annoying Things About PCOS.

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