Sunday, 22 October 2017

Life Changes: Redundancy

Just over a month ago, I was unceremoniously made redundant.

The first day back after my holiday to Vienna, I got to work as normal and chipped away at my workload after a week off. I got on top of all my posting, scheduled tweets for clients, got in touch with clients to let them know I was back and made sure I had my afternoon list ready.

Half-way through my lunch, the Managing Director called me into the meeting room and told me that they couldn't afford to pay me anymore, so I was to go home. This isn't an exposé on the company, and I have no plans to drag their name through the mud.

When I got the bus home, I sat quietly in shock. I wasn't upset because it had gotten to a point where I was undeniably miserable. In a way, it seemed it was a blessing. It gave me the biggest motivation to get a job in an environment where I could showcase my passion, and flourish. 

Redundancy is terrifying. I spent my days doing nothing but applying for jobs. When I wasn't applying for jobs, I was cleaning. I put my energy into something I could control, so the house was spotless while I was off work. I was made to jump through hoops to get Jobseekers Allowance, and it was barely enough to keep me afloat. I was overcome by the 'dark cloud'. I flitted between angry and ashamed. I felt like a complete waste of space. In the time Dave has worked at his place, I've had six jobs. It felt like nothing was sticking, and I had only myself to blame.

In spite of all of that, no matter how much like it has felt like it at times, my redundancy wasn't the end of the world.

I'm incredibly lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend, and I cannot emphasise enough how much of an anchor he has been. Even in my darkest of times, bursting into tears in the middle of eating dinner, he's always helped me find the positives. My friends and family have been brilliant, and have put a lot of time and energy into helping me out of the darkness, and I cannot thank them enough. I'm now working a job that I love, albeit temporarily. I'm back in retail, which has been a shock, but I love being around people. I know this job won't be forever, and even if it does come to an end soon, and I have to go through the motions again, at least I know that I can find my happiness again. 

If you liked this, you'll love One Day at a Time: A Mental Health Word Vomit.


  1. You are so much better off out of that old place, though how they got away with what they did to you will never make sense to me! But it's well and truly their loss, they have no idea of the talent they have let go! You are already back in a great place and you will only move onwards and upwards, if anything this has given you so much motivation to keep pushing down your career path and I know you will get there :)

    Sarah :)
    Saloca in Wonderland

    1. Thanks for your kind words Sarah! Onwards and upwards, ey?

  2. You will flourish so much out of that place. It's always a shock when you lose a job, I've been there, but you were so unhappy and you're such an incredible person you don't deserve to be kept low like that. I'm so proud of you: you pushed through the undeniable shit and displayed true strength. <3

    1. Thank you Kayleigh. Can't wait to see what 2018 holds for the both of us!