Friday, 2 March 2018

Frisky Friday: Is it okay to masturbate in a relationship?


Wanking, rubbing one out, flicking the bean, jacking off - everyone does it. Likely even you. But how often do you catch your partner masturbating?


I'm lucky enough to have grown up with access to a good sexual education, (fairly) liberal parents and friends, and as such have developed quite a relaxed view when it comes to sex. Not everyone is the same though. I know that even reading this post can make some feel a little uncomfortable if your toes curl at just the sight of the word 'masturbation'. You may be absolutely horrified at the thought of your partner getting it on with themselves while you're in the shower, but I am here to try and change your mind. 

“If prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, then surely masturbation is the world’s oldest avocation.” - Steven D. Pinkerton


Masturbation as self-care


Masturbation is an intimate act of self-care. During an orgasm, your brain releases a whole host of 'feel-good' hormones. Menstrual cramps? Masturbate for pain relief. Headache? Masturbate. Stressed? Masturbate for that sweet, sweet dopamine release. 




It's not sex

Masturbation is different than sex. Sex is about a connection with another person, but masturbation is about the connection with yourself. It's incredibly important to understanding and developing your sexual satisfaction, and can ultimately lead to a better sex life with your partner. How are you meant to communicate what twists your nips when you don't even know? You can't give directions to climax-ville if you don't know how to get there.

Yes, everyone wants to have mind-blowing sex with their partner. However, in my opinion, you shouldn't be relying solely on your partner for your sexual satisfaction.






It's NOT cheating

It's easy to understand that some people can be hurt when they find their partner masturbating. I can imagine you might think that your partner is seeking gratification alone, rather than with you, but this could not be further from the truth. In a healthy relationship, masturbation shouldn't completely replace intimacy. When you're together for a long time, there are obviously going to be times where you're chomping at the bit, and your partner is tired, away, asleep, sick, or just plain not into it. If that's the case and your partner wants to sneak into the bathroom for a little alone time, then why should you be concerned with what your partner does with their body? It literally isn't hurting anyone. Unless that's your kink.

That being said, if you're feeling insecure about your partner masturbating, you definitely aren't alone, but those feelings need to be addressed. Ultimately, you don't control your partner's body and thoughts. If they want to take time to themselves to masturbate, they do not need your approval.



The taboo of self-pleasure is still very prevalent within society, but I'd love to eventually be able to break down those barriers. I always have been, and always will be, an unapologetic advocate for masturbation. Set your boundaries, dim the lights, close the curtains, and don't come up for air until your hand starts to viciously cramp.



4 comments :

  1. Well this was a unique post!
    Personally I think it's completely normal and I wouldn't be hurt or offended if I caught my bf, however I would probably classify it as cheating if it was to porn. I mean that's like other girls nudes and bodies right?
    We share enough pictures that that shouldn't even cross his mind (I hope)!

    The Frugal Frenchie
    Thefrugalfrenchie.co.uk

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    1. I’ve always thought of it as just a fantasy, to be honest. Kind of like window shopping - like look but don’t touch!

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  2. I could never imagine being offended or hurt if I caught my partner masturbating! How people see it as cheating is beyond me, sometimes the other person just needs that release and you can't take it personally if you don't happen to be involved in it at that time!

    It's a conversation more couples need to have, not something they should so secretively, like it's dirty or forbidden!

    Sarah :)
    Saloca in Wonderland

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    1. Thanks Sarah! I personally don’t understand it either! I mean, they probably did it for years and years before they met you, so why would they stop now!

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