Is it okay to masturbate in a relationship?

Friday, December 4, 2020


Wanking, rubbing one out, flicking the bean, jacking off - everyone does it. Likely even you, dear Reader. But how often do you find your partner masturbating?




I'm lucky enough to have grown up with (fairly) liberal parents and friends, and as such have developed quite a relaxed view when it comes to sex. Not everyone is the same though. I know that even reading this post can make some feel a little uncomfortable if your toes curl at just the sight of the word 'masturbation'. You may be absolutely horrified at the thought of your partner getting it on with themselves while you're in the shower, but I am here to try and change your mind. 


“If prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, then surely masturbation is the world’s oldest avocation.” - Steven D. Pinkerton


Masturbation as self-care


Masturbation is an intimate act of self-care. During an orgasm, your brain releases a whole host of 'feel-good' hormones. Menstrual cramps? Masturbate for pain relief. Headache? Masturbate. Stressed? Masturbate for that sweet, sweet dopamine release. 




It's not sex

Masturbation is different than your "typical" type of sex. Masturbation is about developing a connection with yourself.  It's incredibly important to understanding and developing your sexual satisfaction and your body image, and that will, in turn, reflect in your daily life, and even sex with a partner, if you so choose it to. How are you meant to communicate what twists your nips when you don't even know? You can't give directions to climax-ville if you don't know how to get there.

Yes, most people want to have mind-blowing sex with their partners. However, you shouldn't be relying solely on your partner for your sexual satisfaction. You deserve to know your own body. What you like, what you dislike, what gets you that leg shaking orgasm you deserve.


It's NOT cheating

It's easy to understand that some people can be hurt when they find their partner masturbating. I can imagine you might think that your partner is seeking gratification alone, rather than with you, but this could not be further from the truth. In a 'healthy' relationship, masturbation shouldn't completely replace intimacy. When you're together for a long time, there are obviously going to be times where you're chomping at the bit, and your partner is tired, away, asleep, sick, or just plain not into it. If that's the case and your partner wants to sneak into the bathroom for a little alone time, then why should you be concerned with what your partner does with their body?

That being said, if you're feeling insecure about your partner masturbating, you aren't alone, but those feelings need to be addressed. Ultimately, you don't control your partner's body and thoughts. If they want to take time to themselves to masturbate, they do not need your approval.


The taboo of self-pleasure is still very prevalent within society, but I'd love to eventually be able to break down those barriers. I always have been, and always will be, a passionate advocate for masturbation. Set your boundaries, dim the lights, close the curtains, and don't come up for air until your hand starts to viciously cramp.


(This was originally posted on samanthanicole.co.uk on 2nd March 2018)

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